Rowland Carlson

Food

2020-07-10

I wanted out. After I quit gaming, nothing shielded me from the tedium. Each day I spent 8 hours on the assembly line, with nothing to distract from that desire to escape.

Nothing to do but search for a way out. That's it. I could join the Air Force. With a college degree, they might make me an officer.

There was one problem. The weight limit. I weighed 235 pounds. I needed to lose 55 pounds as quickly as possible.

I remembered that one of my gaming friends had lost over 100 pounds. After a week, I was able to ask him what I needed to get started. He explained the diet readily. But he was concerned that I might not have a good relationship with food.

His words rang true. Before I started the diet, I was eating because of boredom, not hunger. I ate out of emotion. I ate because it was there.

I didn't know what full felt like. I stopped when my plate was empty, no matter how full it was. I had learned to ignore my body's signals to stop.

He warned me to keep track of what and when I was eating. I had never thought about eating food this way. I hadn't questioned the 12-packs of Coke, frozen burritos, or pizza.

What was in my food? How did it affect me? What did full feel like?

I began to eat with intention. After two years, I no longer needed the diet. I had internalized the habit of questioning my food.

Am I paying attention to what I eat? How I eat?